memo Archives – ZYZZYVA

Interoffice Memorandum 10/18

by Christine Sneed

October 18, 2022

Posted on October 18, 2022 (October 17, 2022) by Zack Ravas

Date: October 18 To: All Quest Industries Employees From: Mid Level Management Subj: Returning Full-Time to the Office Please be advised that as of one week from today, we will resume full-time work in our offices at 1 E. Wacker Drive, i.e. we will no longer observe a 3-days-in-office/2-days-remote schedule. Please do not grouse about this policy within our earshot. We have no intention of changing our minds! Please also be advised that air fryers and heavy metal-extracting saunas are no longer permitted on these premises. The City of Chicago’s Public Works Department recently informed us that overuse […]

INTEROFFICE MEMORANDUM 1/3

by Christine Sneed

January 27, 2022

Posted on January 27, 2022 (January 26, 2022) by Zack Ravas

Date: January 3rd To: All Quest Industries Employees From: President Bryan Stokerly, Esq. Subj: Welcome Back/In-Office Birthday Celebrations It’s good to see everyone back in the office again, but it’s obvious very few of us got any better looking in the months we were working from home. Be that as it may, let us hope the year ahead will be an improvement on the last one, which was probably the worst year of my life, but I won’t go into that right now. Today seems an optimal moment to share with you a few preferences regarding in-office […]

Interoffice Memorandum 6/25

by Christine Sneed

June 25, 2018

Posted on June 25, 2018 (August 14, 2018) by editor

Date: June 25th, 2018 To: All Quest Industries Employees From: President Bryan Stokerly, Esq. Subj: Staying the Course Please ignore any and all rumors you might be hearing in these hallways about the financial health of Quest Industries. Everything is fine, ladies and gentlemen. It really is. Take my word for it. One other matter before I conclude: Whoever has been sticking wads of chewing gum on the underside of my office doorknob, here is a warning, just for you: Stop this evil, puerile business immediately or I will be forced to hire an unscrupulous acquaintance of mine who will beat […]

Interoffice Memorandum 4/20

by Christine Sneed

April 20, 2018

Posted on April 20, 2018 (August 8, 2018) by editor

Date: April 20th To: All Quest Industries Employees From: President Bryan Stokerly, Esq. Subj: Important Discoveries I am very pleased to share with you a few recent discoveries I’ve made that I think you too will benefit from: 1. Some of us think we are allergic to nuts, but we are not. 2. Parking in a tow zone for 1-3 minutes is usually okay. 3. It is very difficult to know, objectively speaking, if you are good-looking. 4. Late-night eating is never a good idea, unless you have had nothing to eat in at least 12+ hours. 5. It’s okay […]