It was duh same day I got dat slap put in duh whip and duh strip was dum ass crankin dat night too. I mean ehy hood was represented-High Street, Duh Murdas, Bushrod, Seminary, you even had some Lower Bottom boys out dere representin. Dey was all ridin round or posted up in Duh Deep and wadn't none of us trippin off da hoods dey was hollin: Waterfront, Narf Richmond-we didn't care. We was mo concernt about hollin at duh females dan fonkin wit dudes. See dat's duh thang bout my part of town we ain't got nuttin tuh prove. Brookfield, Dat 700 block, Dag, we ain't got nuttin tuh prove. Duh Shadies, 900, we ain't got nuttin tuh prove. Duh Hunnits, Sobranne Park well respected we ain't got nuttin tuh prove. I was ridin round inna dark blue Scraper wit Lamont an Deandre in my back seat and Keith was sittin next to me wit dat heat so we really ain't had nuttin tuh prove.
Stupid Deep East Oakland!
We would yell sometimes out of force of habit but I promise you it was not because we had anything to prove. Perhaps we were drunk or touched deeply by the purple marijuana we so loved to indulge in, or wait, I'm sorry, let me correct myself-I'm not sure that indulge is an accurate term to use in this instance. To say that we indulged suggests that the purple marijuana which we often times smoked in the morning for breakfast was some sort of delicacy or excess when it wasn't. Our smoking weed on a daily basis was something we naturally grew into like a black hooded sweatshirt that your cousin so graciously gives you after he comes home from a long night of hustling. By the time you're in the fifth grade you begin experimenting with marijuana when you find a little in your older cousin's pocket or see some left in an ashtray by some adult on your way out of the door in the morning. In middle school you smoke communally whenever you or a member of your clique has some and by the time you are 19-which is exactly how old I was at the time-it's something that you do every day and rather unconsciously, I might add. One is only conscious of it when he wakes up in the morning and there is none to smoke.
It was flossin season, feel me, so you had folks in Cutlasses, Iroc-Zs wit duh kit, ole skoo Cougars and 50s, Chevilles, candy painted Novas wit duh bass poundin so hard it rattled duh paint off duh trunk, feel me? Ehybody got hella hyfee once we got to ah inner section where it wadn't no cops at-I think we was on nine-O and Mac when my homeboy J from Rusdale started swangin his shit. He was gettin loose inna ole skoo Mustang straight smokin it up leaving his tire marks on duh asphalt and all you heard from duh dudes was Ayyyyyeeeee! Rob was hangin out duh passenger side window throwin his hood in duh air when all of uh sudden J stopped in uh big ass cloud uh smoke and backed up out duh intersection into duh Licka sto parkin lot. Whaaaaat! Ehybody loved seeing dat. After dat people started walkin round sayin wassup to people dey ain't seen in hella years and people dey just saw duh same day at school. But den all of uh sudden I heard some hyfee music right behin me. Den I heard dese soft but loud ass voices screamin:
Go! Go! Go! Go!
It took me uh while to really peep what was goin on but when I finally turnt around I saw dese girls poppin and goin hella dum wit it. I mean perms and human hair extensions swangin hella hard slappin em all on dey cheeks and shit. Dey was throwin dey hoods up and back peddlin in dey high heels. Dere was dis one girl who had duh tips of her perm died burgundy to match her burgundy spaghetti strang top:
Go! Go! Go! Go!
Duh girl straight hypnatized me, I ain't even feel myself approaching her but nex thang you know I'm all in her face like what it do, bouncin wit her and showin off my grill. I just got it dat monin too; solid white gold wit duh fangs on it. Dis chick was throwin up Duh Murdas duh whole time and wit ehy step I was takin toward her she would take uh step back; hella smove wit it doe. She was dark skinded, prolly bout 17 wit big dark gray lips wit duh gloss rubbed on thick-hella sexy. Her hips lookt hella good from duh front, I couldn't tell whether she had ass doe, because she had on dis thin leathuh jacket dat went down to her thighs. She smelt like uh mix uh Vanilla bean lotion an dat sweet light green weed like we yust tuh smoke in middle school. At firs she tried to act like she was dancin by herself den she lookt up straight into my face. She muss could tell by duh grill, or duh stunna shades, or duh cross round my neck dat was glistenin dat I wadn't no ordinary dude, dat I was a young boss in duh game. She kind uh smirkt den she opened up her mouth tuh say somethin but I couldn't hear her cuz duh beat was slappin so hard. I leant in to her and she put her lips like right up to my ear. I mean her lips was touchin my ear an I could feel myself gettin hard.
Den I heard: THIS IS THE OAKLAND POLICE. PLEASE GET BACK INTO YOUR CARS AND DISPERSE IMMEDIATELY! through a bullhorn and I lookt up and dere was a wall uh police cars blockin duh innasection an uh line of red faced white boy cops approachin us slappin dey batons in dey palms like dey was ready tuh beat duh shit outta ehybody; Like we was doin somethin wrong; Like dis wadn't are mutha fuckin hood where we slept, lived, and hustled at. Den ehybody started migratin back tuh dey car. I was in duh middle uh duh crowd when uh youngsta threw uh bottle dat landed on one oh duh cop car's windshield, it didn't buss doe. Duh bottle didn't buss and duh windshield didn't crack but after dat ehybody started screamin and runnin. Ehybody ran cept me, I just kept walkin hella mad at how duh police hated on my shit. Besides dat I didn't do nuttin wrong. Nex thang I know duh line uh cops was right behind me tellin me tuh hurry up. My patnas was already at duh car yellin out; Hurry Up, Blood! Hurry Up! Dey was mad cuz I had duh key and dey couldn't get in duh Scraper. When I finally got dere dey was tryin to front like dey was still mad.
"Ay blood I got heat on me an I'm on probation. What duh fuck you doin!"
"Blood, did you see dat girl? She was gettin dat shit huh?"
"Dude you can't be doin stupid-ass shit like dat."
"I ain't never seen her befo, I guess she from the Dubbs doe."
I waited in duh car fo uh minute befo I took duh emergency brake off and started duh engine up. Dey got even madder. I put on dis CD my older cousin played when he took me out tuh ride duh strip when I was uh youngsta. Dis was duh first time he got out duh pen after uh violation; back when he was on top. It was uh song by Outkast and duh chorus said, Damn, Damn, Damn, James-
"Blood ain't nobody tryna to hear dis slow ass shit," dey started laughin.
Damn, Damn, Damn, James-
Duh song got horns, poetry, an uh knockin ass beat. I had subs, midrange, and tweeters goin to work in duh trunk, ehythang comin together perfect feel me. I was floatin; fuck what dey was talkin bout in duh back seat.
"Why duh fuck we listenin to dis ole ass country shit?"
"Man, dis mutha fucka in love blood."
"Ay I don't blame em doe, ay did you see dat bitch? Dat bitch was hella cute."
And what is the nature of a young man growing up in the ghetto? What does it mean to keep in order with all thoughts, rhetoric, and actions that are deemed natural? What is lost? What is sacrificed? What is never known?
When I was twelve years old, I fell in love with my first girlfriend. A fair-skinned girl named Lena with a long perm, hazel eyes, and a smart mouth. She was rather fast as my grandmother would say, having already had several little boyfriends by the time she met me but I didn't care; she was the only girlfriend I had ever known and I was literally obsessed with her. Holding hands with her in the hallway, walking her home from school every day, and buying her things with my lunch money. Then one day she approached me with tears dropping from those hazel eyes which I so adored. She told me she had gotten into an argument with my best friend at the time-a neighborhood boy named Ricky-and he had pushed her. Well that was all it took. When I saw Rick at lunchtime I came with a wretched right hook; the 13 karat gold ring that my older cousin had given me-before he went back in-sliced into his temple as I connected. He fell to the ground and began confusedly nursing his bloody gash.
"What duh fuck you hit me fo!" He wanted to cry.
"Don't you evuh put yo hands on my lady!" I hovered over him.
I was taken into the office by campus security and suspended for three days. The assistant principal called for someone to come pick me up. I assumed this person would be my grandmother, but, much to my delight, an hour later my older cousin pulled up in a cocaine white 1967 Buick Skylark. As I opened the door the sounds of Outkast greeted me;
Damn, Damn, Damn, James-
He smiled at me as he began to drive downhill. For it was a sunny day and I knew he was headed straight for the strip. He told me he had just gotten out of the penitentiary that morning, made a few moves, and bought a car (my cousin, like most hustlers, had a way of making life sound so easy). By the time we got to the strip, he asked me, with a slick grin, what I had gotten suspended for this time. When I told him, he became so disgusted he almost lost control of the car.
"You fought yo best friend over ah bitch!"
"I fought my best friend over Lena," I hesitantly replied.
"Ah, bitch!"
You can't trust these hoes, he told me. They'll get you killed, he told me. Never choose a bitch over your patnas, he told me. And most importantly, he said, never fall in love with a bitch. Then he said it was his fault for being locked down the past year and not being able to teach me such life lessons, as it were. My cousin then drove me straight home. I think we were living on 85th at the time-wait no, this was seventh grade so we were living on 96th and Birch, at any rate there we were in the front of our apartment complex. I was already aware that to ride with or to even be seen with a big-time boss like my cousin was a very special privilege-a privilege that I no longer deserved. As I closed the door and headed for the steps he said, never forget what I told you.
Damn, Damn, Damn, James-
Then he smashed off. He didn't come home that night and the next day, which was a Saturday, he called collect from jail. Apparently he had gotten into a high-speed chase the night he got out and wound up back in custody. Take care of Big Momma, he told me. Don't let her cry, he told me. I'll probably be in here a long time, he told me.
At school the following Wednesday after I served my suspension, I told Lena during our first period class that I no longer wanted to go with her and she cried all day. When night fell, and I was alone in my room, I pulled the covers over my head, and I cried all night.
But this girl, this dark-skinned girl at the sideshow was no cute bitch. She was fearless, she had style, she had presence, and she had me for only the second time in my life, deeply in love. It was love at first dance. She needed me to complement her Go Dumb style and I needed her to represent for me just like she so passionately and carelessly represented for her hood. This girl was no bitch, she was my queen. But then who was I to say this to my most dear friends in the back seat? Who was I to defend some girl who I did not know? Who was I to attempt to lend a contrary voice to something as natural as our nature?
We hit duh strip again an it was still hella people out, but it was gettin cold. We saw Kevin Reese from Duh Five stuntin on uh motorcycle, we saw Lamar Brown from Greenside in uh Cadillac Escalade, Damion Bouchelion was dere wit some chick in uh new Lexus, we seen Sean Scott and Mike Ringo posted up tryna holla at uh females, we seen ehybody in duh world but I couldn't find my queen. I was hopin she hadn't lef me hangin an calt it uh night. Naw, I ain't gone lie I was actually prayin. I needed dat girl in my life but I couldn't find her nowhere. We was ridin round for like uh hour befo we all got far enough away from duh police to stop at anotha innasection. We was on 106th and Mac an it was duh same thang a few people got loose and duh crowd loved it. I sat on duh hood uh my Scraper and I guess I was lookin hella deprest cuz Deandre approached me and said, You lookin fuh dat bitch huh? I told him tuh get duh fuck out my face. He laughed, I wadn't smilin doe. He said I should hit duh blunt, forget about her, and just chop some game to anotha broad-I ignored his ass.
Uh few minutes had past and den just like dat I saw her and her girls in uh red Saturn across duh street, but at duh same time duh bitch ass cops had just got dere tuh break duh shit up. I instantly walked across duh street and start talkin to her, her name was Shareece, I shook her hand. The cops by dis time was yellin out dey bullhorns again and dey had dey sirens on too, hella loud and annoyin. I didn't give a fuck, but my queen was gettin nervous. Don't trip dey ain't gone do nuttin to you.
SIR GO BACK TO YOUR CAR NOW!
Anyway, baby, so yeah shoot me yo number one time. Den duh cop pult his squad car right in front of Shareece car and shint his bright lights all in her face. She was squintin, it was hurtin her eyes. Come on, girl, les go, one of her friends said from duh back seat. Come on, blood, les go, Keith yelled to me from across duh street. But I was mad as fuck.
GO BACK TO YOUR VEHICLE NOW OR YOU WILL BE ARRESTED!
Duh nerve of dis fuckin white boy.
"Do what the fuck you gotta do den, bitch!" I hoped Shareece was watchin.
Wit dat duh white boy hopped up out his squad car.
WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM, BRO? WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE A FUCKING TOUGH GUY OR SOMETHING? TURN AROUND, SPREAD YOUR LEGS.
When he turnt me around and cuffed me I looked tuh see if Shareece was watchin but she had already bounced. All I heard was duh sirens and my patnas in duh distance sayin, Blood, you hella fuckin dum! I just kept my head up, closed my eyes, and let my song come back to me.
Damn, Damn, Damn, James-
