Rhapsody

by R. Zamora Linmark

Eh, Cedric, no look now
But the guy at five o’clock stay ogling us.
That’s the vocab word for tonight.
Means: Eyes fondling us.
The guy over there getting ritas on Bloody Mary,
The one trying hard for hold his pickle straight.
I think he like do you or me or us both.

Mahalo nui loa, but no thanks.
He just another Midwest clone with one Savannah perm.
National Geographic should do one documentary
On haoles who look like Billy Ray Cyrus, yeah?
Goin’ win one award at the Cannes, you watch.

Is that the twins, Carl and Lance Nakashima?
Try look them.
McKinley High grad Japs feeling high-makamaka.
2-4-1 double-eye operations that came with color contacts.
They think they all dis-n-dat,
Throwing one-mile-per-hour attitude left and right
In their DKNYs and Kenneth Cole boots. Pah-lease.
Bet you they bought em incognito at the Waikele outlet,
Along with the boboras from Nagoya and Osaka.

Oh. My. God.
Brad? Braderick Alohakakahiaka Peterson, is that you?
Thanks, you look great yourself.
Northwest?
Base for good or just laying over?
Narita?
Class Reunion?
Room 602?
Ahui ho.

Only in his dreams, Cedric.
You think I go back for sloppy seconds.
No doubt the sky-slut get one oversized carry-on
But the thing stay all covered with cheese.

Speaking of fromage, François,
Can have another round of screaming orgasm?
Scratch the cherry
And, eh, no need be stingy with the Kahlua.
Merci beaucoup.

Eh, Cedric, thought for tonight:
If Versace never designed such loud clothes,
You think Andrew Cunanan would’ve fallen for him?
Poor serial-killer social-climber Irish-Filipino.
He finally made it to CNN
And the reporters couldn’t even pronounce his name.
Pah-lease. No more “Q” in his name and then.

Turn to two o’clock in one minute.
Yeah, that’s Tony.
Or should I say Antonio Macadangdang Macaraeg?
The momona manong from Moanalua High.
Blowjob Queen of Kapiolani Park who
Drops more names than “Entertainment Tonight” and
Wayne Harada’s column combined.
Did you know he wen change his name to Toni Cortez?
Toni with an “I”?
Yeah, ever since Miss Saigon time, the touring company.

Oh, you in Les Miz now, Toni?
Sorry, cannot keep up with you nowadays.
You in Madonna’s new video?
Ricky Martin, too?
Wow, we impressed.
We impressed, yeah, Cedric?
Anna and the King, too?
Jodie Foster?
You and Jodie real close?
Really?
For real?

Look what the stroke of midnight brought in.
Somfong Xayapeth, F.O.B. from Highwater Pants, Laos,
And sugar baby to Immigration Officer Shrock.
Look the way they stay tonguing each other.
Real moelepo, them two.
Real public display of disgrace.
I feel like I re-living Apocalypse Now.
François, hayaku with the drinks already.
This freakin scene stay depressin me to the max.

R. Zamora Linmark (ZYZZYVA 58) divides his time between San Francisco, Honolulu, and Manila. His first novel, Rolling the R’s, was published by Kaya, New York. E-mail: rzlinmark@hotmail.com