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Jonathon Keats

San Francisco Opens a Walk-In Human Cloning Agency

For millennia people have struggled to craft the human form in materials from clay to silicone. But while there have been some popular hits such as Michelangelo’s David, nothing in the world’s museums shows the subtlety to be seen in the living body. In our scientifically advanced society, the optimal way to create a portrait is to clone the human subject.

Conventional genetic cloning is technically problematic, but only because cloners apply antiquated genetic concepts. Recently biologists have learned that the genes you inherit don’t determine who you become. What matters is which genes are expressed, and gene expression depends on your environment. Epigenetics takes into account environmental factors from diet to pollutants. By evaluating these factors and replicating them, I’m pioneering the field of epigenetic human cloning.

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The First Copernican Art Manifesto: A New Paradigm

Science began with the Copernican Revolution. Recognition that the world is an average planet, and that our place in the cosmos is nothing special, has allowed humanity to make generalizations about the universe based on local observations. Yet while the Copernican Revolution has enlightened scientists for centuries, art remains Ptolemaic. The work most cherished is esteemed for being atypical. Whether admired for academic skillfulness or avant-garde boldness, the masterpiece is our artistic ideal. If art is to foster universal understanding – and be more than a cultural trophy – the great works must be abandoned. We must banish masterpieces as distracting anomalies, just as scientists routinely discard artifacts from their data sets. Art ought to be mediocre. The art of the future must be Copernican.

1.  Painting must have the average color of the universe. Let it be beige.

2.  Sculpture must have the predominant composition of the universe. Let it be gaseous.

3.  Music must have the gross entropy of the universe. Let it be noisy.

4.  Architecture must have the fundamental geometry of the universe. Let it be flat.

5.  Cuisine must have the cosmological homogeneity of the universe. Let it be bland.

6.  Film must have the mathematical predictability of the universe. Let it be formulaic.

7.  Dance must have the characteristic motion of the universe. Let it be random.

8.  Literature must have the narrative arc of the universe. Let it be inconclusive.

This new Copernican art can be made by anyone. To achieve complete mediocrity, everybody must participate. In all genres, new work is required. The Ptolemaic past must also be reexamined, standards reconsidered, masterpieces rectified.

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